Three measures to turn boys into fathers

The policy isn't supposed to ensure men get laid, but it should help them have kids.

Can we do something about it?

In adolescence, young men find that some handsome guys get all the ladies' attention, while many don't get so much as a glance in their direction. This concerns many, but is not a societal problem. Most of us grow up, adjust expectations and find a partner anyway.

The problem arises when it does not work out. One in four men are childless after the age of 45, and the problem is growing. That only applies to one in eight women.

Among the childless over 40 Half of them say they want children, and half of childless men living alone. 12 percent lives with her mother.

What is the reason for the high rate of childlessness and can we do something about it? What does the research tell us?

Men in need of care are punished

We know that men who end up childless have poorer health, often have lower incomes and more often receive public benefits than men who become fathers.

Researchers have interpreted this to mean that many childless men lack “dependability,” implying that women, earning better than ever, want to be provided for.

It's not that simple. Low income hides psychological problems, relational difficulties and other challenges that make you a less attractive partner. These men lack dependability, but they also have an abnormally large need for care. Women do not necessarily need to be dependent, but they do not want to be the breadwinner for both father and child.

More men with care needs than before are being punished with childlessness. One reason for that is that more women can afford to be alone. Research suggests that while the most important thing for men is that they are in a relationship, women want rather be alone than be in a bad relationship.

More time to mess it up

The other societal change is that women are having children later than they did before. When women don't have children until their 30s, it's more applicable to have children with a man who already has a litter behind him.

For a 35-year-old, a divorced 50-year-old is a slightly older and more established partner, while for a 25-year-old, the 50-year-old is an old guy of age with his father. More men thus compete for the same women. It increases the chance that the least attractive male people will be left alone.

A woman in her 30s also looks for different things in a man than one in her 20s. The cool guy with good music tastes has greater appeal as a partner in his 20s than in his 30s, where more emphasis is placed on career and caring ability.

When men wait longer to have children, then they also get more time to mess up. A recent study shows a dramatic reduction in crime among men who have children compared to those who do not. The longer men wait to have children, the more time they have to run their lives into the ditch.

One measure must be directed at the parents

What do we do about this societal problem? Because it's a societal problem. Not only because childlessness is linked to crime and other problems, but because starting a family is a basic need on par with good health and a secure income.

Measures to help men need to start early. Even more should be done to enable people on social security schemes to earn money working without losing too much of their social security. It is well documented that in particular young disabled people can and want to work if given the opportunity.

But measures aimed at young adults are not enough. The problems start as early as elementary school. Many 6-year-old boys are not ripe for school. They mature later than the girls and lag behind for the rest of their lives as a result of early school starts. If boys could be given the opportunity to mature a little longer in kindergarten either by later school starts for boys or flexible school starts, as the Stoltenberg Committee has proposed, school and social art could become easier.

A third measure must be directed at parents. As Professor Emeritus Arne Holte points out in NRK Ytring, between 175,000 and 300,000 Norwegians have alcohol problems. Homes with alcoholism create insecure boys who become unattractive men, but if we overcome the alcoholism of their parents, we will have the men that the women want.

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